Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i think my cat just said my name.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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