So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize