Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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