Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
