that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
