drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
