What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
