I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
