The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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