To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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