I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
