i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
