suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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