Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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