I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
