I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
