dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize