Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
be right there i have to get my cape
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
