apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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