is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
