And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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