So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
