Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
