When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
