The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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