do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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