aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
