she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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