Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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