...so i touched it.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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