i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
