Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
