i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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