did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
splinters make it hard to masturbate
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
