he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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