Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
