You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
