Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
