If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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