I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
