I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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