Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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