What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
