So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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