Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
