dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
