My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
