Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
