goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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