I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
