And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
