I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
