I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
