So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
