two words...techno handjob
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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