Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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