the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
