I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
