someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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