listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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