Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
