The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
