I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
