11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
