This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
