I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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