she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize