He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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