He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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