I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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