I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
