i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
