Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
