I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
