so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
