i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize