If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
