I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I love you. Go after that dick
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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