she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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