two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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