I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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