I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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