At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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