Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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