I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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