Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
