Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
