This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
