Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
