She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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