oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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