If that was your dad, he is hot
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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