the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
