Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
