Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
