Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
