you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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