I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
