so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
